He Died for His Wife

My Grandparents, Edward and Helen Losli

My grandparents had a wonderful, yet interesting marriage. The last decades of their lives they had what seemed to be a well-timed trade off.

My grandmother had many serious heart ailments and multiple heart surgeries from the time I was old enough to know what those terms meant. But as far as I know, my grandfather was in great health, but that changed as they aged. When my grandmother’s health failed, my grandfather was strong; but when he became ill and incapacitated, she was surprisingly strong.

My grandfather lived for my grandmother, but he didn’t die for her.

The Bible describes the relationship between Christ Jesus and the Church as like that of husband and wife. Yet there is a vast difference between Him and the Church and earthly husbands and wives. Jesus suffered more for the Church than any human husband has ever suffered.

Jesus suffered the loss of all He possessed, surrendering His splendor as Heaven’s born Prince to shelter in the womb of a servant girl. The King became a pauper by choice.

The Glory of God became a helpless Babe, a rough-handed Carpenter, a Suffering Servant and Man of Sorrows. He was humiliated, despised, and crucified between thieves. The Creator who adorned the blackness of space with flickering stars by the word of His power, was crowned with bloody thorns. The Friend to sinners died to make us friends of God.

Without concern for His own welfare, Jesus, the Bridegroom plunged into the ocean depths of the Father’s wrath to become the rescue for His bride.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her (Ephesians 5:25).

Intermarriage is Sin

The Bible begins laying out a clear example against God’s people marrying unbelievers. The patriarchs, Abraham (Genesis 24), Isaac (Genesis 27), and Jacob (Genesis 34) went to great lengths to keep their sons from marrying Canaanite women. The problem with intermarriage was one’s faith, not nationality or skin color.

Before the Israelites entered the land promised to them by God, He commanded them: Nor shall you make marriages with them. You shall not give your daughter to their son, nor take their daughter for your son. For they will turn your sons away from following Me, to serve other gods; so the anger of the Lord will be aroused against you and destroy you suddenly (Deuteronomy 7:3-4). God’s warning is that an un-believing spouse leads the believer away from Christ, and their children will be raised in a spiritually divided home

This command was repeated for centuries, yet not always obeyed. King Solomon loved and married many foreign women … and he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines; and his wives turned away his heart (1 Kings 11:1-3).

Many people will answer that these are all Old Testament examples and commands. They say that in the New Testament we live by grace and are free in Christ to marry anyone we choose. O! The lengths sin will carry us to fulfill its rebellious wishes!

Paul warned the Corinthians, Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness (2 Corinthians 6:14). The context isn’t specifically about marriage but local congregations not entangling its affairs with those outside the faith. At the same time one could argue that there is no more intimate spiritual endeavor between two people than marriage!

In his First Corinthian epistle, Paul explained that widows who desired could remarry, but only in the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:39).

In this same letter, Paul noted that the other apostles, including Peter, took their wives with them when they traveled (1 Corinthians 9:5). He emphasized that their wives were believers in Christ Jesus.

The strongest passage is the most famous passage on marriage. In Ephesians 5:22-33, Paul explained that marriage between a man and a woman illustrates the relationship of Jesus and His redeemed Church. A Christian marrying an un-believer would be a blasphemous reflection upon the intimate marriage-like relationship Jesus has with the Church.

Your Wife

My wife and I (2020)

When she rose up to glean, Boaz commanded his young men, saying, “Let her glean even among the sheaves, and do not reproach her. Also let some grain from the bundles fall purposely for her; leave it that she may glean, and do not rebuke her” (Ruth 2:15-16).

Boaz commanded his work crew not to reproach or rebuke the young, impoverished, widow named Ruth. The harvesters in the field were not to insult, humiliate, rebuke, or dishonor Ruth.

In Ephesians, chapters 4 through 6, the Apostle Paul described the Spirit-filled life of the Christian. In this teaching he brought the subject of Christian marriage. Ephesians 5:25-33 says that Christian husbands are to love their wives. One of the ways they are to love their wives is by nourishing (feeding) and cherishing (caring and valuing) their wives, just like they nourish and cherish their own bodies (Ephesians 5:29). No sane man purposely harms his body, so a man who loves his wife as Jesus loves the Church, also seeks to guide, provide, and protect his wife rather than harm her.

The word nourish suggests providing for what is needed (not necessarily wanted) to grow and flourish, especially in her spiritual life. To cherish is to show tenderness and care. This describes comfort, encouragement, and protection. These are things Jesus provides for His people and a godly husband is to strive to provide for the wife whom he loves. 

Husbands, we need to work at never embarrassing our wives. We need to protect and defend our wives, for what we value we protect.

In what is often called the “love chapter” of the Bible, First Corinthians 13:7, Paul wrote, Love bears all things. The verb bears is most interesting. The word in Greek means to thatch a roof, cover a building, or protect or conceal by covering. Love throws a blanket over what might be unpleasant in another person or hides that which is valuable to protect it. We might paraphrase Paul’s words today by saying, love hides the faults of a person to protect that person. Husbands, bear all things out of love for your wife.

What to Look for in a Spouse

Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised (Proverbs 31:30).

I was disappointed following a Facebook discussion led by a pastor for unmarried Kenyan youth, all claiming to be Christians. They were sharing what they desired in a spouse. Women were looking for a man with a good paying job or college education; the men desired a woman with curvy hips and a good paying job. Both men and women agreed that sexual expertise and compatibility was vital to a lasting relationship. Remember – these were unmarried Christians in the discussion. Not a single participant mentioned godly character. 

The Book of Proverbs has a lot to say about marriage relationships and especially what a man should look for in a wife. After all, King Solomon wrote the Proverbs to instruct his son. Repeatedly, Solomon pressed the importance of finding a spouse of noble and godly character. Solomon would know; he had 700 wives and 300 concubines!

What is most attractive to you in a spouse? Sexual experience? Body type? Charm? Beauty? A job? Respect for God and desire for His glory?

The unbeliever’s focus isn’t ever on godly character.

King Solomon’s great-great grandparents were Boaz and Ruth. Their short story in the Bible is one of the most beautiful and honorable images of marriage ever recorded by man. Boaz guides, provides, and protects Ruth and her dignity and reputation. Ruth trusts God, works hard, and seeks a man of honor and integrity.

Character counts. For a Christian, godly character should be foremost; unlike charm, it doesn’t deceive, and unlike physical beauty, it doesn’t fade away. Godliness is praiseworthy.

Restore Unto Me the Joy

Richard L Rice and Kimberly Rice in Kalispell, Montana (September 2020)

Restore unto me the joy of Your salvation (Psalm 51:12).

My wife and I had an argument. It was significant because as far as I recall, this is only the second disagreement we’ve had. I may be wrong; I’ll leave the count to her because her memory is far better than mine.

Things were said that stabbed deep into the heart. Attitudes of self-pride and being right arose. Feelings were hurt and scabs ripped from past hurts. The episode lasted only minutes, even so, afterward the tension in the air was tangible. It took only a short time and forgiveness was tendered, accepted, and received. All was forgiven and forgotten so that days later neither of us could remember the cause of our disagreement.

In the midst of the tension, Kim and I didn’t cease to be married. It was our fellowship, not our relationship, that was broken. When all was said and done, we didn’t need to be remarried, we needed the joy of our marriage restored. We recalled our love and recommitted ourselves to one another.

When a sinner is born again, it’s not because of what he’s done but what the Father has done through His Son. As the prophet Jonah proclaimed from the belly of the great fish: salvation is of the Lord (Jonah 2:9)

Salvation is wholly the work of God on behalf of the sinner. When the child of God sins, the work of God is not undone; God never changes. The relationship God has created with you does not end by your sin. Christ’s sacrifice once was enough to save and to keep you saved. Your salvation is not on the edge of eternal destruction, but your fellowship with the perfect and holy God is interrupted.

At such times, the Holy Spirit uses Scripture to show you your sin against God and woos you back, like a loving Father to a wayward child or adoring husband to an estranged spouse. Recognizing that sin, acknowledging it, is the Biblical act described by the word confession.

Writing to saved individuals, the Apostle John explained, If (or since) we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). The sinning saint doesn’t need to be re-saved, he needs his fellowship restored.